On Your Relationship With Your Wife or Wife to Be (Letter 8)

black-marriage1Dear Y.B.M.:

May I encourage you to get married. Contrary to what many think, marriage can and should be a joy and a pleasure, not a pain and a burden. Do not judge marriage based on what you have seen of other people’s marriages—even your parents or grandparents. Marriage can and should be fun, and if you do it the right way, that is, God’s way, it will be fun. Before I mention to you some points on how to have a happy and prosperous marriage, let me share some things with you on why you ought to get married.

First, you ought to get married because in this life it is good to have someone special to help you and encourage you along the way. A good wife can be that special someone and thus can become your best friend. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 states: “Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.”

Second, you ought to get married to avoid the sin of fornication, which is sex before marriage. Don’t let anyone fool you, whenever you sin, you hurt others indeed, but you hurt yourself more. Sin is a bad thing! “Sin blinds, sin grinds, sin binds”, and don’t you forget that. First Corinthians 6:18 tells us to: “Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.”

Third, you ought to get married so that you can be a husband and guide to a young black sister. Notice I said “young black sister”. Now, I am not a racist by any stretch of the imagination. I have white people in my family. I love them just as much as I love my other family members. We also have white people who work with us in our ministry, and we all get along quite well.

Now, dear brother, you have a right to marry who ever you wish, but may I strongly encourage you to marry a good black woman for these reasons:

a. You will help your race
b. You will eliminate the added pressure that comes with being in a mixed marriage

Contrary to what others may be telling you, or what you may have heard others say, you can find a good black woman if you pray one in.

Fourth, you ought to marry to have children that you can raise up to serve the Lord in this present age.

Fifth, society in general, looks askance at a young man past the age of twenty-five who does not have a girlfriend or some woman on his arms, or who shows no signs of getting married, or no interest in marriage. People begin to wonder: Is he gay? Does he have homosexual tendencies?

With that said, here are six important things that you must do to ensure a happy marriage:

1. Pray, and under the Lord’s leading, take the time to choose a good woman to be your wife. A bad woman can and will make your life miserable.

2. Refuse the notion that marriage must become a drudgery.

3. Make the choice to love your wife. Your wife will not look her best all of the time; love her anyway. She may not feel her best all of the time; love her anyway. She may not say the best things all of the time; make the choice to love her anyway. Believe it or not, love is a choice, not a feeling.

4. Avoid bitterness. Do not allow yourself to live a life of bitterness. Bitterness and strife will only make you, your wife, and your children miserable, and your marriage will probably end in divorce because of it. We are told in Ephesians 4:26, 27 and 31: “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil.” “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice.” It’s quite all right to show some anger in order to let your wife know that you are serious about some things—just do not sin in the process.

5. Be the head of your family. Do not buy into the modern philosophy of making the woman the head, or giving her the same authority as the husband. Listen, friend, God wants you to be the head of your family. If you are a man at all, in your heart of hearts, you want to be the head of your family. Believe it or not, your wife, in her heart of hearts, wants you to be the head of the family, and even your children want you to be the head. So, be the leader of your family. Have confidence in the God who leads you and in yourself, and have confidence that the decisions you make under God’s leadership are right for your family and for others.

Dear brother, one of the biggest reasons why the African American community is in the shape that it is in today, is because women run the home and much of everything else. Don’t be a part of continuing this negative side of our heritage.

6. Seek God’s guidance each day. Pray this prayer daily: “Lord, lead me, guide me and direct me through this day in all I and my family do. Help me to make wise decisions.”

Your marriage can be a great blessing to you if you have the courage enough to follow God’s leadership and be the head of your household.

For strong black husbands,

Daniel

P.T.: (Power Thoughts)

When a man marries a woman, they become one—the trouble comes when they decide which one.

Hen-pecked husbands soon learn that he who hesitates is bossed.

Nothing makes a marriage rust like distrust.

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